My blog is simple. I keep it real here because I feel like SO many Moms put on this effortless ambiance that is so incredibly fake it's nauseating. Most of my friends keep it real, so I'm talking about a majority of all the other mom blogs. The DIY Moms, the Organizing Moms, the Sports Moms, the Moms that throw on their mom jeans and drive their minivans with a proud weird pride I don't simply grasp yet... Anyway, those Moms are the ones I can't connect with.
Back to the pregnancy..
So my pregnancy took me surprise. We weren't trying. In fact, we were avoiding. I was 7 weeks along when I found out I was pregnant. I had found out at 4 weeks with the boys. We were in the middle of a massive transition of a PCS and we didn't have a house to settle into yet.
The only reason I took a pregnancy test was because I was so sick and had no idea why. That should have been a warning of what things were about to come. I spent the first 20 something weeks nauseous and sick but it became manageable. I hadn't been that sick with my boys so morning sickness was a new learning curve for me.
In general this pregnancy has been alright. I've had terrible back pain on and off, but I have only gained 22 lbs and I'm nearing the end, so for that I am grateful for.
With the end approaching, I'm realizing how different this pregnancy still is compared to the boys. I'm incredibly sensitive and emotional, especially this past week. I've been crying at the drop of a hat because I have the urge to organize my husbands tools. Clearly I cannot bring a newborn home until the tools in the garage are in the proper place 🙄 It's just bizarre. I never had the urge to nest as strong as this before. Surely I cleaned before my babies arrived in the past, but this is an entire different level of nesting.
I think a part of it has to do with disliking our house. There are benefits to living on base but there are so many cons as well. We pay $2200 a month for a small house with the worst appliances imaginable. The heating and cooling is comical. There is zero storage. Everything is cluttered. It smells like Chinese men in Westons room and I don't know why. I can't ever seem to keep it clean. The boys argue so much because they're on top of each other playing. And it's all overwhelming. Do I want to move? No because that's a huge PIA but at the same time, I'm about to bring another person into this house that hardly fits the current people that do live here.
I miss North Carolina. I miss the space. I Miss my home. I miss the beaches. I miss the comfort and relaxed lifestyle. I miss my routine. I don't miss my old neighbors and I don't miss people talking bad about other people, but I do miss my life there. I'm sad I'm not bringing my new baby back to my home there. I'm sad that my new baby has to be subjected to the chaos that this house and this demographic area brings. At the end of the day, I know all she will need is just me and nothing else, but when you want give your babies the best of the best, it's frustrating.
I'm venting and rambling now, but let me just bring it back down to reality. The struggle is real. Three kids is a struggle. Living on base is a struggle. Being pregnant is a struggle. Being a stay at home mom is a struggle. Driving a fucking minivan is a struggle.
Ive been here 6 months and I have yet to find a solid groove and that is a huge struggle, especially because I rely so much on routine and consistency.
But the end is near. She will be here incredibly soon and I'm hoping my bahumbug attitude changes. I'm sure she won't care that Westons room smells like Chinese men, or that the tooth brush holder needs to be moved two inches to the left. Surely she won't care about that! But right now, hats what I care about.
Sum of my story tonight: Pregnancy makes us crazy. Pregnancy is a struggle, and this shit is very real. 
10 weeks
Miss you mama <3
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