So at 5:00 am, my hallways were filled with little boys running as fast as they can from their room to my room, then my room to their room (this pattern continues until I about lose my shit with the chaos of early morning hallway sprinting). The boys are making truck noises as loud as they can. Sure. It's cute. But keep in mind I haven't had my coffee yet...SO it's not that cute. This is the same routine. Every morning.
My boys are 4 and 19 months. I'm pregnant with my third. It's a girl. Will she join in the 5:00 am truck races? We'll find out soon I guess.
It's like herding little sheep to get downstairs to start the breakfast routine. We live in a small house on a military base. I swear these houses were not designed to allow you to baby proof at all. The walls don't match up enough to install baby gates so both of my kids are head first into the refrigerator with me, pulling out the chocolate milk and every cup of yogurt I have. I'm not sure what is worse...the trucks racing down the hallway at 5:00 am or the 82493843 hands in my refrigerator helping me.
My husband is awake and helping. Sort of. He tries but ultimately he is just another kid to clean up after. He makes his coffee. He spills shit all over the counter. Every morning. Like, I wonder if something is wrong with his fine motor skills? Why does he spill shit everywhere? I should get him checked out... I'm an early childhood teacher - I can assess him. I'll make him do lacing cards or string me a beaded necklace...
Anyway, eventually we all sit down to eat breakfast together. It's cute. I'm glad we eat our first and last meal together as a family. I like that we do that. It's sort of peaceful. Sort of. I still haven't had my coffee by this point because I've been cleaning up after my husband and making the kids their breakfast. Usually oatmeal. The baby, Wes, is determined to feed himself. So oatmeal is the least offensive healthy breakfast I can think of. It's better than cereal and microwave pancakes. I try to save those for special weekends.
Breakfast usually ends whenever Wes is finished. He throws his bowl or milk to the ground. Pushes himself away from the table. Sends every smoke signal and sign he can think of to let us know he's done with his meal and we need to get him out of that chair asap before all mighty toddler hell breaks out. Soon after this happens, my 4 year old also decides he is done. I turn on the tv so I can clean up, but they don't watch it. I don't know why I subject myself to Dora when I could be sipping my coffee watching the Today Show....Perhaps I'll try that tomorrow...?
The boys are back to the truck noises and racing in my very small house... I'm trying to clean up while tripping over monster trucks, and matchbox cars and mega blocks. This is the dream...
It's now usually 6:30 am. From 6:30 am - 8:00 am it's just constant chaos. I am trying to get the kids dressed for school or other activities. I am trying to get myself dressed. I am trying to clean up. I am trying my damn hardest to just survive at this point and it's not even 8:00 am. Everything is a constant fight and battle. Do other Moms go through this...I wonder? I try to make it fun. We race to get clothes on... We see who can put shoes on the fastest... But it's still chaos. It's "fun" for them, but holy hell it's a lot of work for me. My husband has left for work at this point. He must have slipped out when I was cleaning up the entire cup of orange juice that somehow spilled from the front door to the back door of the house.... He slipped out quietly. He's smart. He's lucky.
Eventually I get ourselves together enough to get us to the car. I usually have to run inside for something I've forgotten. Probably my purse. Or cell phone. Or maybe I just come back inside to take a deep breath and listen to quiet.
Transitions are hard for us. Everything is hard for us...
We make it to our morning activities. I usually drop the 4 year old at preschool and then go to the gym. the gym here has a pretty cool parent babysitting group. I get two hours of workout time . Alone time. Adult time. Friend time. The two hours flies by. It isn't enough but I am grateful for it. Today I took a gym selfie. I never take pictures at the gym but I was having a decent hair day and my clothes kind of fit, so I thought why not... I am 26 weeks pregnant. Katelyn will be born in February.
We get home and again, their 35984958 hands race to the refrigerator because they are starving. I am too! I beg them to go sit down in their chairs while I get their lunches together. I am pretty good about meal planning, so the food is already ready, it just needs to be microwaved. HOWEVER... 30 seconds in a microwave IS the end of the world to Weston. Since 30 seconds is clearly too long to wait, THIS is what happens when I finally offer him his plate of food. Clearly it's no good to him,
Nap comes and goes all too quickly. The boys only sleep for maybe an hour. Sometimes an hour and a half. They're never happy after nap. They are groggy and angry. I can usually calm them down by reading them books or doing other quiet activities until they're ready to bounce back to their normal chaotic happy place.
Daddy comes home around 5:00 pm. I'm so ready to hand my babies over to him when he walks in the door. I try not to because that certainly doesn't help his stress any. We eat dinner as a family and the boys go to bed early and fairly easy... Which leaves me the night to mop up orange juice, clean chocolate milk up, wash and fold laundry, do the dishes.....It's continuous. It's on repeat. I'm on robotic never ending chores mode.
But this is the real life of a stay at home mom....right? Sometimes I wonder. I see everyone's facebook posts with their happy smiling children and their clean houses and their non stressed attitudes...and I have to wonder...Am I doing something wrong? Am I the only one that struggles? I can't be? Or am I? I see Moms post about activities they do with their toddlers and I am envious. How? How do they do it all, so beautifully and graciously? I'm over here hanging on by a thread over a cliff it feels.
I don't know why I think I can blog. I hardly have time and energy to go to shower. So why do I think I can make a blog?
I think I want to blog about the struggles I face because I don't feel like Moms out there are true to how difficult motherhood can be. I feel like we all need to be a little bit more realistic with each other. I have an amazing group of Mommy friends that vent to one another about our struggles, but I mean on a more broad level: WHY cant we be more honest with our daily struggles?
My days are full of chaos. My days are full of frustration. BUT my days are just a glimpse in time of how fast this is all happening.
If I don't respond to a text or answer your phone call, it's most likely due to literally not being able to at the moment. I'm probably wiping a tooshie, giving a bath, cleaning up a mess, or more importantly, playing with my kids. Frankly, I hate talking on the phone when my kids are awake. They feel ignored and then more chaos happens.
This is the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had and my chaos is beyond anything I've ever experienced... But man, I'm so lucky to be their Mom. <3
Great job, Mollye!! How true. I think ALL moms should be more honest. Working moms and stay it home moms share the same struggles. The emotion is real. What a great read. Keep blogging!
ReplyDeleteMonica