Disclaimer 2: Excuse my foul language in my blog posts. When I write, I just type what I think and feel. I promise I speak much more proper than this in real life. I think.
In the 1950's, the men would go to work and the women would stay home and tend to the babies and children. The women would be expected to do every bit of womanly housework. Hand washing dishes, washing the laundry - which was extremely tedious back then. Shit. My family would be naked all the time if we lived back in the 50's.... I mean, what wife had the time to hand wash in a basin and then line dry AND THEN iron and fold and put away? That is seriously comical to me.
These wives would make dinner from scratch!!!!!!!! I mean, I'm lucky if my kids don't get cereal for dinner.... Kidding. Sorta. But it's hard.
But do you know what difference was between now and then? Their kids were playing outside in their neighborhood unsupervised because they "could". In this day in age, that's a terrifying thought...So alas, here we are. Current housewives, trying to do the dishes and the laundry, and the cooking, and the cleaning, and the chores, and the errands.... ALL WHILE TOTING AROUND 35309583 CHILDREN. What. the. hell. It's impossible.
*Edit: My awesome sister linked me this hilarious post about a 1950's house wife and what she was expected to accomplish in a day. UM. RIGHT. http://www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/?&utm_source=punch*
SO IN TODAY'S BLOG.... I'm going to talk about how THE STRUGGLE IS REAL to keep a house a home while having sweet baby heathens helping, decorating the home, and what not to do in your house.
Problem Number 1: I can't keep the house clean
As I've gotten older, I really like my home a certain way. I have expectations of what my home should look like for my everyday living. Simple things, really. I like clean toilets. I like shoes put in the shoe baskets. I like the kitchen counters wiped down. I like the toys picked up before bed. Sometimes this feels impossible when I am raising a 29 year old child along with my 1 and 4 year old. See exhibit A below:
Anyway, you get my point. I just like a put together(ish) house.
Since having babies, I'm realizing how impossible it is to keep a house clean. Literally, I try. I kill myself trying. often times, I just give up. What is the point of picking up the mega blocks when Wes is just going to dump them all over the floor again?
We've all heard the phrase, "Excuse the mess. The children are making memories". NO. This is bullshit. THIS IS MORE LIKE IT...
(https://www.etsy.com/listing/255432472/kids-memories-sign-kids-making-memories?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_c-home_and_living-home_decor-ornaments_and_accents_deeplink&utm_custom1=9fd1f450-ea03-4c45-8a39-fd973e1a2b61&gclid=CPCbuJGPjskCFdgHgQod5M4Lgg)
But let's give the kids credit... They are making memories while being assholes.
So my advice? Clean when you can. Or just clean before you know someone is coming over. And if someone stops by and the house is a mess? Put your best Officer Wife smile on, giggle, and say "Oh pardon the mess. At least the children are playing beautifully." And when they leave, roll your eyes and cry in the bathroom until your husband comes home to pull you out of your embarrassment. Or just drink a glass of wine. Whatever. Just roll with it, girl.
Problem Number 2: I can't decorate on a budget anymore. In fact, I can't decorate anymore at all.
Moving as a military wife is very challenging. We always have different types of homes to organize and decorate. And we hold our breath every PCS and pray our furniture fits. Some of my military Momma friends are amazing with decorating their homes and I'm struggling big time with my current house...
I have a group of amazing Mom friends. We are all military spouses, living across the United States, some even in Japan now. I think there is like 9 of us that talk every. single. day. on a facebook messaging thread together. I love these women. They are my family now. I know each of them so well. I know their struggles, they certainly know mine. I know their strengths and talents. We are diverse and unique, but somehow flawlessly friends.
So one of these girlfriends is like, brilliant with decorating. That's the only way to describe it. She's absolutely brilliant. She crafts and paints and designs some of the most creative. The other day, I had to be frank with her though. I asked if I could ask her an offensive question. She giggled and said sure! I asked HOW THE FUCK SHE HAD THE TIME TO CRAFT?! AND how did she do it affordably? I asked her this out of pure curiosity, Like, I am lucky if I can put an outfit together and brush my teeth. And here my girlfriend is like... hand painting wooden signs, making wedding favors for friends, and like....doing it all while being a Mom, a wife, and a normal person that socializes with people. She graciously responded that she crafts because she utterly enjoys the process and blamed it on only having one child. Well, dear friend, if you're reading this, whatever you're doing, you're doing it so great, even "with one child". Even ONE child is hard work, so I commend you for always keeping your house absolutely stunning. Here is an example of her brilliance:
If you like what you see, you can shop on her etsy at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SimplySchulze?ref=search_shop_redirect
Now one of my other friends is also a role model and someone I look up to daily. This woman has 10 children, all under the age of 13. Let me repeat that. She has ten. 5 of them are under 5. And she's just like me. And you. And my other friends. She carries herself with such a fun demeanor. She's always the person you want to go to for advice, because chances are, she's absolutely been there before, Fevers, chicken pox, cuts, or more major 911 emergencies, she's probably been there. Why go to the Doctor when you have her? She's BTDT. The best part about her? SHE NEVER JUDGES YOU FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW HARD PARENTING IS! Let me show you her home...
So here these two amazing women are, with all these children, and they have model homes. I must be doing something wrong? Surely I'll figure it out. One day. But for now, I lurk and stalk pictures on pinterest. My new favorite design ideas come from "White Walls". It's my new favorite because half of it is brilliant and half of it is plain ridiculous. I'll get to that next.
Here is my home. Some of these are older and my house has improved some, but it's just not working for me really. It's okay. It's temporary, right?
Problem Number 3: WHAT NOT TO DO IN YOUR HOME: White Walls and Vagina Antlers (Trust me, you want to read this)
Alright, so White Walls is a military community that discusses decorating and crafting. They've given me the brilliant idea to cover my awful white counter tops with granite contact paper. It actually turned out cute and it cost me $75.00. Now it took me about 3 hours to do and of course, I rushed to do it during nap time, and therefore I have air bubbles in it from rushing, but in general, it's okay. It's an improvement.
Yesterday I was browsing the group and came across this picture and this caption: "So as I was about to throw my plastic clothes hangers away I had an idea. Can anyone see what I'm trying to do? I'm not sure whether or not to continue with gold paint."
UM, What?
I knew what she was trying to do. I get it. Antlers. I think. I think antlers are like, a thing now? I like the rustic look, but I'm not fond of decorating my home with animal carcass. I think it's starting to become a trend again, like it was in the 70's.
But anyway, if you're so bored and desperate that you connect plastic hangers to resemble antlers, you've gone too far off the edge in my opinion.
So the comments she received were encouraging mostly. Girls said, "Cute!", "Creative!", "Antlers! I love it!". And then I commented. I was truthful. I was honest.
I told her it resembled a uterus.
See exhibit A:
I know you see the resemblance too. Don't lie.
So I think like 84 people "liked" the comparison picture and agreed with me. Of course I offended some people. One chick was like, "OH THAT'S SO RUDE!".
Okay, well, it's kind of like the ink blot test,.. Some people see a uterus, some people see antlers. Regardless, I may be saving this chick a ton of embarrassment. What if she hung this on her wall and a guest came over and gasped from being offended by a large vagina painted gold in the foyer? I was doing her a favor. I'm sad to report she is continuing to work on her Vagina Antlers. She's begun to wrap it in twine. It's a wreck...
So here is my moral of the story...
No matter how hard decorating is with kids, or on a budget, we should never subject ourselves to painting hangers gold, shaping them in the shape of the female reproductive system, and hanging them on our wall.
We can get through this, Mommas. We can and we will...but lets leave the hangers in the closet.
Stay tuned for a finished product of the vagina antlers. I'm sure she will post a picture.
So in conclusion... The women of the 1950's had their shit together compared to me. Most women probably do compared to me. My house is not perfect, my home is rarely ever spotless, but my asshole kids ARE happy. And making memories, with me. That's just how it should be. If you plan on visiting, please give me a weeks notice so I can arrange Merry Maids to come first.
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